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we bought a fire pit and put your bones in it
(end to the days in which we wore
your limbs on our eyes,
on our hearts,

heavy with contempt)

and we burned you;

wrapped the wreaths around our heads
and undressed bare to dance
in exaltation of

our freedom

(a king is dead tonight
and a queen 
reborn)


opinions
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:iconunspecifiedunknown:
UnspecifiedUnknown Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer
adore the fluidity, the title, and your diction (always)
though the 'round threw me off, maybe stick to around instead?
wonderful :rose:
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:iconkaitforest:
KaitForest Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013   Writer
i will change it, thank you love :heart:
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:iconbreathingglassstars:
breathingglassstars Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012   Writer
this is intensely satisfying. ♥
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:iconkaitforest:
KaitForest Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012   Writer
thank you! :)
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:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012   Writer
It has an effective metaphor, fluid delivery. Well done.
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:iconkaitforest:
KaitForest Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2012   Writer
thank you!
Reply
:iconop1ateddreems:
OP1atedDreems Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Student Writer
This is brilliant, you know. The way each line and phrase really falls into on another brusquely but smoothly [if that makes sense], fucking works. And the fact that this made me want to go out in war paint and do some crazy fire shit made it all the more enjoyable.
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:iconkaitforest:
KaitForest Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012   Writer
thank you!
Reply
:iconop1ateddreems:
OP1atedDreems Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Student Writer
no problem.
Reply
:iconstarell:
starell Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012
Ooh, very cool, love the ritualistic feel and your punctuation really makes it!
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:iconkaitforest:
KaitForest Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012   Writer
thank you!
Reply
:iconstarell:
starell Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012
welcome!
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:iconcaptivationrequired:
CaptivationRequired Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012  Student Filmographer
Where do you gain your inspiration to write in sich thick metaphor and imagery? Do you just write like that or was it a learned talent?
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:iconkaitforest:
KaitForest Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012   Writer
it is definitely a learned talent, haha <3
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:iconcaptivationrequired:
CaptivationRequired Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Student Filmographer
Hmhmhmm. Got it. That's grea
Reply
:icontouristeyes:
touristEYES Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
fuck yes. i can't explain it, it works almost like a sonnet; it flows nicely in stages and has a sharp turn like a volta from the initial situation.

'wrapped the wreaths 'round our heads
and undressed bare to dance
in exaltation of'

yep. i have nothing to suggest i just love it.

Reply
:iconkaitforest:
KaitForest Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012   Writer
thank you love! <3
Reply
:icongliitchlord:
gliitchlord Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012   Writer
hell yes.
Reply
:iconkaitforest:
KaitForest Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012   Writer
i like that opinion
Reply
:icondead-ontheinside:
DEAD-OnTheInside Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012
Typo in first line
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:icondead-ontheinside:
DEAD-OnTheInside Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012
Word missing, rather.
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:iconkaitforest:
KaitForest Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012   Writer
oh, i found it. thank you!
Reply
:iconkaitforest:
KaitForest Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012   Writer
where?
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October 17, 2012
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